Interview with TweenHobo

@TweenHobo is a twelve-year-old – “but a hard twelve” – trainhopping teenybopper who keeps a twitter account on the side.  The following no-holds-barred interview was given exclusively to

MW:  When did you hit the rails?

TH:  I been a sister of the road since the beginning of sixth grade.

MW:  I heard through the grapevine that the Great Depression sucked… What’s it like being a Tween hobo in today’s global recession?

TH:  Times are hard, but nothin’s ever been so hard for me as that terrible letdown when I first tried to play Quidditch.

MW:  Shopping must be a lower priority on the rails, but do you have any style icons or favorite retailers?

TH:  My top style icon is me, photoshopped to look sparkly.  After that I’d say Woody Guthrie, Leadbelly, and Taylor Swift at the Grammys.

MW:  Who are Tween Hobo’s parents and don’t they miss you?  I understand your Au Pair is a real biatch.

TH:  My folks don’t miss me much cuz they follow me on Twitter.  My mom is a stalker, so I won’t accept her friend request.  My dad is pretty cool — well, at least he never shot my laptop with a gun.

Oh, and my au pair is Dutch and she’s mighty inappropriate.

MW:  Do you have GPS?

TH:  Duh.

MW:  Are you clinically depressed?

TH:  No sir, just A.D.D., and I also have shingles.

MW:  What would Tween Hobo do if she got stuck in a boxcar with Selema Gomez?

TH:  I’d knock her out cold with my right hook while my left hook would be takin’ her phone and texting the Biebz XOXO TWEEN HOBO


Alena Smith writes plays and fake Twitter accounts.  Her new play THE BAD GUYS, about a generation at war with itself over what it means to ‘man up’, will be produced this summer in NYC at Second Stage Uptown .  Check out her work at: